23 Steele Away With Me     2x1     9/20/83                Writer: Michael Gleason

A diamond smuggler posing as the maid’s son drops dead in Laura’s house. Laura goes to Acapulco to track down the real son. Steele reluctantly joins her while trying to avoid dogged IRS investigator, Mildred Krebs.

Critique: A big ol’ double episode, or was it technically a movie? Either way a great start to season 2. The Acapulco location is used to it’s fullest.      A+

Ridiculous Moment: Steel punches Mildred and then ties her up. Damn! Seems a little extreme, but no more ridiculous than her being OK with it later, I guess.  And what's with the James Bond theme music?

Casting: Hey it’s that guy from Tron.

80’s Flashback: Laura’s gaucho pants (thank God that’s one fashion that has not come back), that headband isn't anything to be proud of either. Also the first appearance of the eighties staple, french braid hair.

Back Story: Perpetrated a Heist in Mexico City.  Alias: Richard Blaine

(intruder)S (Mildred!)    < What are these things??

24 Red Holt Steele     2x2     9/27/83                    Writer: Lee David Zlotoff

Laura's investigation of corporate foul play in a widow's aircraft company becomes personal when the opposition blows up her home.

Critique: What’s this? Drama? On Remington Steele? While this episode had it’s problems, mostly bad directing (looping the most dramatic scene is unforgivable, reblock and/or lose the rain if it’s a sound problem), I can see why it’s a clear fan favorite.     A-

Ridiculous Moment: "War Games" theme music, like the "James Bond" music on the previous episode, is just a weird thing to do. Also why are they wooing Laura’s new matronly brown dress at the end, it’s horrible. And wouldn’t they see that ring of lights next to the door in the dark, even if they had gone in the house, that’s just poor bomb design.   

Back Story: Worked on a smuggling ship in Greece.  Alias: Xenos

 (da bomb) (phone)

25 Altered Steele     2x3     10/11/83                    Writer: Jeff Melvoin

80’s classic amnesia storyline hits a client who’s searching for who he is and who’s trying to kill him. Their first discovery: his 5 wives.

Ridiculous Moment: What's up with that cut away to the fountain going up after they kiss? I hope it's unintentional otherwise it's super cheesy.

Casting: Hey it’s that chick from…Designing Women…Malcolm in the Middle. Hey it’s that guy from Xanadu (that one is an obscure reference).

80’s Flashback: blue wave machine (remember the one in every Service Merchandise showroom?)

(shot at)

26 Steele Framed     2x4     10/18/83                  Writer: Brian Alan Lane

Steele seemingly kills a man with his car as part of a disturbed man’s revenge plot against the agency.

Critique: Great concept and perhaps the only time they don’t "get their man", which seems careless considering his passion against the agency, I wonder if this will come back to haunt them? Steele frazzled is always good TV.     A

Ridiculous Moment: Overact much? It seems to be a battle of who can go bigger. 

Thank goodness Laura and Mildred both own those oversized burgundy tops.  

And uh, Mildred says about the victim "no birth certificate, no tax return, probably an alias but no real person." Hello! Everyone comments on the lack of info on Steele yet no one ever makes this logical leap on him.

Alias: Ben Pierson

27 A Steele at Any Price     2x5     11/1/83                    Teleplay: Mitch Paradise & Richard Deroy   Story by: Mitch Paradise

While investigating a kidnapping the agency finds a gang of international art thieves who use the sale of real paintings to cover the movement of their stolen works.

Critique: I’m lukewarm on this one, it’s kind of slightly above mediocre.     C+

Casting: Hey it’s that guy from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Ridiculous Moment: Was that some kind of music torture? Wouldn’t it just be faster and easier to hit her? And why is Laura wearing a skirt to break into the auction house? 

Alias: Adam Canfield (Art Insight Magazine)

(shot at) (client)

28 Love Among the Steele     2x6     11/8/83                     Writer: Lee David Zlotoff

A classic car with a long romantic history is the key to a lost treasure and after it nearly runs over Laura and Steele they are in pursuit of it’s mysterious past.

Critique: This is an excellent episode and I love that Mildred buys the Auburn at the end, it’s such a better choice than that stupid VW.     A+

Ridiculous Moment: Can’t a young couple scamper through a park without someone trying to run them over? Seriously, what are they doing? The car is clearly just as tired as the audience of waiting on these two.

80’s Flashback: Laura’s shirt dress. (one of the rare times she has a dress above the knee)

(shot at)(shot at twice)

29 Scene Steelers     2x7     11/15/83                    Teleplay: Joyce Amor & Julie Neer & Michael Gleason    Story by:  Joyce Amor & Julie Neer                  

A poisoned TV dinner is the latest move in a long-standing quarrel between the stars of a series of television commercials.

Critique: Interestingly this is a story about the jealousy between 2 actors. I’m upping it one whole letter grade just for the balls of the writers to even present it. Otherwise I found it silly and with a weird ending.     C

Alias: Sterling Gillette (Lawyer)

(Knife & VW Rabbit)L

30 Steele Knuckles and Glass Jaws     2x8     11/29/83                     Writer: Lee David Zlotoff

A dead bookie and an abandoned baby reunite Steele with a boxing manager from his past life as the "Kilkenny Kid- Pride of the Pampas."

Critique: Gimmicky crap! At least the circus one is so bad it’s almost funny, this is embarrassing.     F

Ridiculous Moments: A baby and a boxer, cause one or the other just wouldn’t have been enough. 

Steele, the guy who broke his hand punching someone in episode #6 is a former boxer….O….K….whatever. 

And finally, why is Laura squatting on that coffee table over the baby? Is that really the safest way to pick up an infant?

Alias: Herman

Back story: boxer in Rio Alias:"Kilkenny Kid- Pride of the Pampas."

80’s Flashback: Laura is rockin’ the side ponytail

31 My Fair Steele     2x9     12/6/83                     Writer: Brian Alan Lane

A millionaire leaves his company to his playgirl daughter but when she is kidnapped, while the agency searches they use her long lost twin to cover for her.

Critique: Dumb.     D

Alias: Darren McGovern, Frieda Milch

The agency goes undercover at the studio of a fashion designer to protect his line, then his brother receives a mysterious jacket in hot demand by thieves.

Critique: Alternate synopsis: fashion show, blah blah, film canister , blah blah, jacket, blah blah, chase. LAURA SHOT! What? Awesome! Wait, Steele is crying.. awkward..weird, fast forward.  Sobbing men creep me out as did the rest of this bad episode.     D+

80’s Flashback: Neon at the fashion show. Leg warmers on those awesome 80’s workout jumpsuits make famous by Olivia Newton John’s "Physical".

Alias: Binky (Laura), Sam St. Cloud (buyer)

(Laura "shot") (client)

33 Steele Eligible     2x11     1/10/84                    Writer: Michael Gleason & Larry Konner

Steele is named to the five most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles list but it proves a dubious honor. Someone is trying to kill them all off.

Critique: This one has some good comedic moments even if the rest of it is a bit of a mess.     C

Ridiculous Moment: Laura why would you even go to see Steele paired off with another woman? 

2 broken legs….O…K... And with the magic of 80’s television they are healed by the next week. Yay!

 

(car-Steele, poison-Laura)S

34 High Flying Steele     2x12     1/17/84                    Writer: George Lee Marshall

Mildred somehow gets the agency involved in some murder at the circus where Laura and Steele go ridiculously undercover.

Critique: Make it stop, it’s so bad!!!!     F

Ridiculous Moments: Where to even start, the whole thing is ridiculous. Let’s go in order of appearance.

#1 Someone conveniently drops a circus rigging needle while destroying the office. Is that really something they would carry around?

#2 Laura is a circus freak. Really? Wouldn’t she have had circus crap in her house or office or say something before now.

#3 They both have brief histories of working in the circus. Come ON!

#4 Steele blowing fire was cool but could you have dressed him any gayer? That curl on his forehead? Argh!

#5 Suddenly they have a trapeze set up in Laura’s loft. Who do you call to get that done? It takes a week to get cable installed, but trapeze set up apparently can be done in an afternoon.

#6 The training music montage may be the worst thing ever on TV.

#7 BTW apparently this is all about a stolen Guttenberg bible. Of course it is, that makes perfect sense.

#8 What’s up with that close up of Laura’s ass? Then I guess she gets knock off the trapeze by a big hook thing although we never see it anywhere near her. It’s bad enough the writing’s bad do we have to have bad directing too?

#9 You cannot have a serious fight scene dressed in those gay ass trapeze outfits.

(clown, trapeze) Laura and the flying hook thing (apparently)

35 Blood is Thicker Than Steele     2x13     1/31/84                  Writer: Richard De Roy

Laura and Steele must protect the rather obnoxious children of a Federal witness.

Critique: That opening sequence of Mildred’s kidnapping was horrible directing, you can’t even tell if they know she’s been kidnapped because there is no cutaway of their reaction to her yelling. Argh! That stuff drives me crazy. The story is OK but the bratty kids are a little cliché although back then they probably weren’t. Props to any story that isn’t a traditional ‘who done it’.     B-

Back story: Passed among cousins and aunt and uncles while growing up. (Doesn't this mean he would know the name of his mother and be able to find a birth certificate with his name on it?)(tour guide)

36 Steele Sweet on You     2x14     2/7/84                     Writer: Susan Baskin

Laura gets involved with her sister's marital problems at a dental convention where a murderer seeks to eliminate the only evidence left against him.

Critique: Funny stuff and how can you not love Laura going from Ho in one scene to adorable toothpaste in the next..     A+

Ridiculous Moments: Laura and her brother-in-law are awfully touchy feely. 

I think that hotel elevator/hallway gets used a lot, I know it’s the one Steele falls down in a later episode.

Alias: Dr. Bridges

(ho, toothpaste)S

37 Elegy in Steele     2x15     2/21/84                    Writer: Brian Alan Lane

Major Descoine reappears and promises that Laura and Steele will die within an hour.

Critique: I like this one, especially where they are just on the run instead of being in their usual chase mode. Those disguises at the end are brilliant, it did take me a minute to realize it was them. Bravo.     A-

Ridiculous Moments: Wouldn’t Mildred have done the stuffing and licking of the envelopes? 

Why didn’t they just keep going in the cab? 

Why go back to the office?

And in episode #22 the office windows open, I’m usually not a nit picker but they totally talked about the windows opening.

"Someone could've been killed" From a bear trap?

Back story: Mykonos, Greece

(fire, poisoned envelope)(postal worker)

38 Small Town Steele     2x16     2/28/84                   Writer: Jeff Melvoin   

The agency goes undercover to find a missing researcher who disappears in a small town with a big secret.

Critique: It’s OK. But the writers go back to the Remington roundup with fake evidence and the punch out, weak!     C+

Ridiculous Moments: Stupid Mildred, this is like the second time she’s done something super stupid, the circus being the first, that’s 2 strikes Mildred.

Casting: Hey it’s that bridge from Little House. (I know it’s been in other stuff but that is it’s most famous role)

Alias: Caroline Bixby/Felix Hillenbrand

(shot at/ run off the road/angry mob)

39 Molten Steele     2x17     3/6/84                    Writer: Richard Collins

An affluent enclave‘s reticent wives become the target of a Gigolo blackmailer. Laura and Steele investigate which one killed him.

Critique: I don’t know, kind of forgettable.     C?

Ridiculous Moments: The monocle and pipe character for Steele is way ridiculous, this why there is no icon for Steele's lame disguises. 

But this line does make me laugh every time: I did attempt to reach the height of depravity with that one.

The helicopter. Even if I buy that Steele already knew how to fly it I can’t buy that Laura would know how to land it.

Back Story: Monte Carlo

Alias: Lord Marchman

( shot at/ run off the road/falling engine)

40 Dreams of Steele     2x18     3/20/84                    Writer: Brian Alan Lane

The reputation of the agency is at stake again when the gems that first brought them together are switched with fakes as Laura and Steele are transporting them.

Critique: Pregnant Nora Bolt is a hilarious dream sequence, as are the others.     A-

Ridiculous Moments: They keep the coffee pot next to the crematorium, and I thought I had a crappy break room.

Laura falls off the balcony, hmmm…somewhere I got the idea he lived in the penthouse (one episode said the 5th floor), it is a silly episode but that seemed a bit much.  Ha! Laura nearly died and clearly has a major head injury! Ha! Hilarious, no, just too silly.

Casting: Hey it’s the chick from Who’s the Boss.

bulldozer, fall from balcony (Laura), tank of snakes (Laura), cremation

41 Woman of Steele     2x19     3/27/84                    Writer: Michael Gleason,  Richard De Roy & Susan Baskin

A woman from Steele's past mysteriously reappears and manipulates Steele into helping her, while Laura investigates her real motives.

Critique: Laura you followed your boyfriend to his ex’s house; psycho much?    Good concept and good execution on this episode.     B+

NON Ridiculous Moment: Thank you for not making this week’s blond an annoying bubble head.

Casting: Hey it’s the chick from Pierce Brosnan’s marriage and episode #5

80’s Flashback: Oh the humanity! That perm!

Back story: Monte Carlo

(Shot at)S

42 Hounded Steele     2x20     5/15/84                    Writer: Jeff Melvoin   

Mildred’s simple hunt for a missing dog turns complicated and sends Laura and Steele on the trail of an international master thief.

Critique: Retired master thief is a good idea and it’s a nice pairing with Steele’s dubious background.     B+

Ridiculous Moments: Strike 3 Mildred, why is she not fired already? Her sob story isn’t cutting it, mistakes that get your bosses shot at should get you fired. Although why are Laura and Steele pitying Mildred’s life? At least she has a bowling team, aside from Laura’s sculpture class, they don’t have much besides work either, and you can't count their ass-backward relationship either.

( Shot at)

43 Elementary Steele     2x21     5/22/84                    Writer: Michael Gleason

Someone is using mystery buffs signed up to solve a make-believe case to find a murderous embezzler.

Critique: Why doesn’t this episode work? Not just the little ridiculous moments but overall as a dramatic episode which they were clearly trying to do. I can’t tell if it’s the writing or the acting, I think maybe it’s a combination, the writing should be more dramatic and the acting is too dramatic (sorry Brosnan).     D+

Ridiculous Moments: Wait, so Steele sent the flowers but didn’t send the ones at the end? So much time setting up this ‘B’ story and then they don’t really resolve it.

Why is Steele dressed up like Grease's Danny Zuko? Is this how British thugs dressed in the 80’s? 

Why didn’t they just call the cops and tell them there is a guy at the bottom of the stairs with a gun?

Really, she was wearing a mask, isn't that a little Scooby Doo?

 

80’s Flashback: Laura's Crimped Hair

( Shot at) (suspect on the run)