SEASON 1 

PILOT

Maddie: I don't like being poor , poor doesn't become me.
Maddie: No flies on you.
David: I got to tell you I love you, I mean I have always loved you really, truly, nothing personal.
Agnes: The time has come to go, to pack our bags and blow, to hit the street ' til next we meet until then it's on with the show.
Maddie: Sounds suspiciously like a plan  David: Me? Plan? couldn't be. everybody knows I have no facility for deductive reasoning, hell I can't even chew gun and walk at the same time . Dumb David always chomping on his feet and blowing bubbles with his shoes. Me plan? naaaah.
Maddie: Knock that high school locker room grin off your face or I'll knock it off for you. I'm not miss march miss may or miss anything else.  For your information I'm miss Madeline Hays and I own this dump.
Maddie: Do you really think I'm cold? David: Did I say that? Maddie: Twice.  David: I didn't say that how could I say that you cold? I'm burning up over here.
David: From the TV commercial and posters and billboards and all that stuff you'd never guess what a cold bitch you are.
David: Do flies fly, does Spock beam up?
David: My life's an open book I'll discuss anything but me and the president.
David: Don't look back and try and see me just know I'm right in back of you and yes I am looking up your dress.
Maddie: For what it's worth dead bodies and all I did have fun, tons of fun.
David: Do birds fly do ducks duck?

GUNFIGHT AT THE SO-SO CORAL

Agnes: This is our slow time.   Maddie: Morning?   Agnes: Well...    Maddie: Monday?   Agnes: Kind of.    Maddie: Spring?   Agnes: The eighties.
David: Do bears bear? Do bees bee?
David: Beauty and brains, wow.
David: You like meatballs on your spaghetti right? me too.  How about books let's talk about books I read left to right how bout you? Is that amazing coincidence or not. You wanna get deep let's talk about sex . Who'd a guessed I like sex too.

READ THE MIND SEE THE MOVIE

Maddie: You believe me? David: No, but I believe in you.
David: Wet becomes you.
Maddie: I don't think I like men any more.  David: We still like you
David: I'm papa bear she's sweet cakes.

THE NEXT MURDER YOU HEAR

Maddie: All this blood and violence.  David: I know I get giddy just thinking about it.
Maddie: Sorry, from the bottom up all you men look the same to me.
David: Nothing on my mind except you and this luxuriously thick head of hair.
Maddie: David I just don't think. David: That's ok you look good.
David: No No No No No your obsessed or oppressed or one of those "est" words
David: Last week I was in this bar and like 4 chicks started hitting on me, and I said girls we got a problem here I'm an old fashioned guy, one of you girls is gonna have to leave.

NEXT STOP MURDER 

Maddie: We're moving. David: Do we have to all my friends go to this school.
Agnes: My luck is on the rise, I listen as fate cries, the time is here so give a cheer Depesto won a prize!

MURDER'S IN THE MAIL

Maddie: What are you doing? David: Nothing I've been clean for years
David: Rip off all your clothes and see if he reacts. Your right bad idea, that would kill me.
David: Why didn't Detroit make smaller cars before Japan?  Why didn't those cereal companies put 2 scoops of raisins in from the get go?  Why didn't Donny marry Marie? Who knows?

 

SEASON 1    SEASON 2    SEASON 3    SEASON 4    SEASON 5

 

 

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